A child with autism, a mother of age and life in general can be enough to mke one pause. Throw a car wreck in that leaves you disabled but able to do somethings without enough to go back to work; leaves you in a real pickle.
The general explantion of situation will be the hands of time. on the clock piece. I want yout to get the analogy of this Clockmaster situation.
I will have to go back to my childhood. Growing up I thought my parents were not the best. We were not the poorest and not the richest. All of us kids had to work. Our house was a little less than nice until our parents had the money to do it. My mother had to work to make ends meet. This doesn’t say I never lacked for love or didn’t love my parents.
My best friend was in the same boat. Sometimes embarressed to have friends over for having holes in the carpet. Let me make this clear; we were maybe lower middle class that grew into upper middle class. Our parents busted their backs and _______ to make sure we (my older sister and two older brothers) had it much easier than they did. Thus, we all learned the value of money and how to work for what extra’s we wanted and needed.
Even though my parents were not rich they managed to take us on a vacation every summer. This meant seeing the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone and much much more. We camped and made sandwiches instead of hotels and restaurants. Our parents, George Tanner and Dorothy Louise Mallo even made games out of things. They spent plenty of time of which most was quality time.
Here is where it gets better. When we grew into the upper wealth classes, our parents gave us more. They bought us our first car, abiet used but we didn’t care. They even bought gas and paid for insurance during the year. They had us groomed for college. Heck we never knew we had a choice of not going.
Looking back they taught us how to be parents. Did they make mistakes? A few. People are not perfect. However, I doubt you could find two people that tried harder to do their best at raising children. One thing my father told me that raising us was one of the parts of his life. I understand this now that I have a child. He confessed it was hard along with on of the scariest times in his life too.
My bothers and sisters were older than me. In some respects I was a bit like an only child. This may sound odd but my Dad actually bought me a HOT HOT ROD. The car was a 70 Torino. It had a 302 engine with a Holly 4 barrel, a racing kam, spagetti side pipes, Kreger Mags and much more. My brother came back from being in the Navy for a visit and couldn’t believe it.
I asked my Dad why he bought this for me. He replied that this would give me something to talk to the boys about. He said I would be less likely to end up in the back seat or get pregnant. I thought about it thinking how sneaking wise my Dad had been. He did pretty well for a man that lost his Dad at age ten and mother at seventeen.
Now talk about mom. Boy did she have a few tricks up her sleeves. She told us that we could keep whatever money we found during cleanup chores. She left money around, about what we should earn for an allowance, directing age appropriate tasks to where the money had been placed. She knew how well we had cleaned by how much money was or wasn’t left.
Now for curfew and resrtiction violations. My sister told me that when we had grown up trying to sneak in mom had placed three litter coke bottles in our path to wake her up so she could check the time. Then in the morning she would confront us about what time we came in and see if we told the truth. Mom had a few other tricks up her sleeve.
I am backing up but have to tell you of a travel came passed to us from my Aunt Gladys on the Mallo side. We called it Zip Zip. Basically, you played to get all the horses you could. If you saw a horse you said Zip. If you saw a group…Zip Zip before others got the group. A white horse counted as two. If you zipped a cow, donkey, pig or other animal you all your horses. To get all the other teams horses when you came to a cementary you called Slopsky. My dad had an unfair advantage as he had travled more and knew where the cementaries were.
Needless to say, being the youngest, I did plenty of wrong Zip Ziping. Being picked last in your own family is unpleasant. Mom and Dad came to my rescue often. Thus, parents feel the pain of all their children and act accordingly to sooth over it. Yet, there were plenty of times my parents made me suffer the pain of growing up. Why? To prepare me for the what was to come as an adult.
A funny story about the Zip Zip came and a legend in our family. I kept asking “Is that a horse. Is that a horse?” My Dad and Mom couldn’t believe their eyes. Dad pulled over and sure enough it was a Mountain Lion chained to the bumper of a station wagon. That was in the sixties, about 65 or 66. The owner worked construction. All of kids got to pet it. That wouldn’t happen in today’s society. However, I wasn’t the cause of loosing horses to the other team that day.
Are you getting the feel for family time spent together? My mom was the glue that held us together. My dad was a Seargeant and the hard driving force behind making us do. Mom was the soft approach. Both are needed to balance out the other. God blessing’s come in two parent’s in a family. One gets relief when worn out on the job and the children get a breather from the hard driving parent. Blessings come from God knowing what we need at each time and stage of life.
Okay, I blended some of the early 1 and 2 O’clock periods of life in the hands of time together. Please forgive me while I am trying to tell you all about how this goes together.
3 and 4 O’clock come after highschool during college while getting my BS in Pharmacy. Growing up occured quite a lot during this time. I worked every weekend and kept grades up. Graduation came and after a year I bought my own house. Dad was pro mom was con. During college my friends that didn’t go to college got married. I had proposals but not out of real love. Dad kept me grounded and mom provided emotional support.
These periods helped me define my needs, wants and desires. I have to admit I lacked in setting boundaries. Please if you have this issue get some help or read some books on this situation before burn out and explode.
5 and 6 post college. Graduation was long waited for but never did I as many realize that college would be looked back on as one of the best times in life. God guides you all of your life and prepares you for each step to come. Even when you stray you learn.
Started dating husband or future at that time. We dated nine years before we married. It is about this time that my relationship with my mom started to breakdown a little. Mom was so noisy about what when where and how I was doing it seemed she never gave me a breather. There is more but it is petty. She didn’t know she was doing this. You see she was still learning how to be a mother to an adult child. Never the less taking some communication classes never hurt.
This goes back to boundaries. You don’t owe people explantions. Proverbs 29:11 KJV
11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
This goes against tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Thus, wisdom must be sought and learned. Reading the Bible and askng God for help is a great way. Here is where I owe my mom for exposing me to Christian teachings early in life.
7 O’clock. Marriage is an adjustment no matter what you think. Children even more. Then if you have a child with special needs, special abilities and is a blessing that teaches you many things. I thought I was prepared for a child. I was an older mom. We waited until we had been married over a year. We were money okay. Both of us were Christians. I don’t want to go into all the challenges but just say it hit us hard in our marriage. Frustrations was at the base of the blame game. This took a hit on our marriage.
However, these things made us stronger. If you want to do yourself a favor, quit doubting your parenting so much. Mistakes will be made. As long as you try and earnestly want to do your best, ask God for help; I’m sure all is okay. Another big favor you can do is buy the book by Wanda Draper, “Your Child Is Smarter Than Think!” She reasures parents that they are fine and their children are not stupid. It helped me and I know God hooked me up with the information. Trust me I asked for her information at an appointment and I got her cell phone number. Wanda is an internationally known child developmental specialist. She writes on a level that all can understand but gives great common sense advise. Spectacular book.
I promise you I can’t go into all the situations that rule out chance that God is acting in my life. He is the Clock Master of time in your life in mine. If you trust him he will guide you. He gave me the parents I needed and now I know he gave my son the two parents he needed and it is a blessing. My husband counters my harshness learned from being brought up military. I will not apoligize for being a pusher. My son wouldn’t be this far along if I handn’t pushed. However, Bill, my husband is a blessing of a counter weight to even out my rought edges.
8 O’clock. I panic about having my son prepared for life. He is an only child and being special needs; I don’t want him lost after we his parents die. There is no real close relatives to be his guardian if needed. Therefore, I want him to be as functional as possible.
Well, my idea was to contact the historical socity and see if there was a fit for a volunteer position. I thought there would be less stress on social interaction on one side and then on giving tours more social interaction. Long story of how I thought it would fit but now know God directed. He will start out scanning and work up to digitization. Some have worked this into a job. They have worked with autistics before.
My son interviewd with one person, the head of volunteers, and then when the person came down man came down that my son would be working with or under; I overheard one tell the other my son “has appropriate conversation skills!” Made my day. I knew then that I need to refresh my relationship with God, The Clockmaster of time. God has a plan and reason for all that happens.
New King James Version (NKJV)
9 A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.
The rest of time is still going on. I hope you see how parents, mom’s and dad’s impact you on mothering on Mother’s Day. Hoping you have gleaned some insight from my post that I have learned in life.
One thing I do not want you to do is pity me for having an autistic or special needs child. He has heaped too many blessings on my life to regret having him. He teaches me to enjoy life and relax. Better yet he has helped me to understand myself and enjoy life.
Happy Mother’s day. Don’t forget step parents when step should not be in the word of parent. A mother is not just one that gives birth. A mother is one that takes a child through life and the teachings of all steps of life. I prefer to say in the Christian manner but understand if you disagree. I will uphold your right to believe as you want. But, never forget the impact your parents have in your life and be grateful for it.