Tonight the movie, “Judge,” reminded me what I face and feel with regard to what to do for my son. You see I have no one for him to go to after my husband and I die. His cousins are busy and have a full life of their own. I asked one nephew if he would mind being over a trust. This wouldn’t mean he would have to live with my son or take care of him daily. Only that he would assure he was taken care of by the place he was staying and finances.
My nephew said “No.” Did this create hard feelings on my part? Not at all. I actually respect his directness and understand completely.
Never the less, the movie reminded me of my situation in being responsible for him. Yet, how can I if I am dead? Will he be left to fade into a group home with no relatives visiting. You see he also has no brothers or sisters. I am fighting hard to make him independent. I may have a good chance but those scales tip back and forth ever day. It will be hard to predict for sure.
There is a special needs adult in the movie. However, there are siblings to help with his needs later on in life. I hadn’t planned to take this away from the movie. But you see I am having surgery tomorrow on my tongue. I have a sore that hasn’t healed. I also now have another hard bump in the cheek of my mouth I forgot to tell the oral surgeon about. Do I have cancer? There is a good chance. Maybe not. I will find out from the biopsy.
Yet, after the movie and during, it just hit home more that I have no way to have a 100% gurantee where my son will end up. I don’t mean to look to the negative. But with no way to assign a person to look over him, I can’t accomplish this.
There are few agencies to accomplish dealing with special needs adults. What quality of life will this leave those with no relatives that will be living in their time span to check on their care or needs? This is a problem many of us parents face.
Tonight it was harder for me to deal with because of the added reality of facing issues. I am not being morbid. Fearing death is not the issue. What hurts the most is thinking of my son of being truly alone on Earth once his parents are gone. How will he adjust to living in a world with those that can’t understand him as well as family often does?