Where to begin? 1986? When I first felt I had fallen for my husband? Our dating til 1993? A marriage on the rocks? A foundation I now realize was lacking but now understand was not on the sand as a wiseman builds his house? The birth of my son that brought it all home?
I worked at the hospital where my husband did. I was an Intern Pharmacy Student. He was a Charge Pharmacist on the sixth floor. Seven years older, made him seem so stable, handsome, and ideal.
Our dating started after my work there had stopped. I quit. The dates continued. Having work in common gave us plenty to talk about and discuss.
Assumptions are the killers. A person goes to church every Sunday. This doesn’t mean he/she is perfect. It doesn’t make them better than you. It may mean they try harder or they are only going through the motions. Please don’t quit going to church because of my comment. I mention this because it was a trait I admired in my current husband.
If a person has a bunch of rules about when this are that can take place, how things must go and has little tolerance; RUN!!! This only means as it appears to you. For your perceptions are the only things you have to decide what you want in life, should run away from and embrass if you choose.
Disagreements are the norm. However, each of you have a different life. This is especially true if you both work. Therefore these little syptoms go ignored like many with the illness of cancer. By the time you realize the differences are of concern; like cancer it is highly likely it could be terminal.
A child is born. The husband actually has the audacity to ask if it his child. My gosh. There has never been an indication of cheating; even til this day. In my case a special needs child with Autism, ADD, Auditory Processing Disorder, Ocular Motor Disfunction, Learning Disabilities and more on and on. He is a child that is loved and wanted. One parent is proactive and the other chooses to hide a head in the sand. One person starts talking with ultimatums.
“You took him to the park?” Asks the husband. “You might have had a heart attack!”
One one of the few times out after the birth of the child, a mother-in-law calls. She asks the sister of the mom that is taking care of the child,”You took him to the park? What if he skins his knee?” The normal sister perks up and answers quickly right back, “He will survive like all the rest of the children in this world!”
Fights continue about how to care for the child. At six months he is in the hospital. The husband blames the wife. Why did you take him to Baby Jymboree? Your family is always kissing on him. You don’t wash your hands well enough.
Did this have anything to do with his special needs? Did inducing labor a bit early cause it? Is it your families genes? Or, the other side?
As a mother one does the best she can. The research to help her son leads down a dark realization that all the extra help needed is not always covered or seldom is, by health insurance. The husband says this is unnecessary. The mother continues and at least gets her child in preschool early.
Do you know what “Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy,” is? Here is a definition, “Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a mental illness and a form of child abuse. The caretaker of a child, usually a mother, either makes up fake symptoms or causes real symptoms to make it look like the chld is sick.” The husband says the wife has this. He says she wants attention for what is wrong with the child?
Everything done by the wife seems to be wrong. Arguments go on and on. More details are not needed. This is the parenting drama until November 25th, 2014. While in a counseling session with my son’s counselor and my husband, it is clear to me. This will never end. My son is distressed by his parents. A divorce or seperation will mean clear concise rules for him. This will mean no more back and forth between the parents.
Part of this is a child working two parents against another. Playing parents against one another is something my husband says special needs kids don’t do. I know different. The other part that is bad is listening to parents go back and forth round-n-round where the carousel will never stop.
This is the “Drag Way to my Divorce or Seperation.” I plan to execute a leave January 2015. The trial will go through March. I am leaning toward getting back together to be a one in a million shot.
Please feel free to comment and share your trials with me. They may help me.
Too much damage done? My son will be in his last semester of high school.
My son is important to me but there is a saying that taking care of one’s self is primary so caring for others can still happen